that I can't let certain things go? Why is it that despite having an amazing boyfriend, an amazing relationship and knowing I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him, I still have doubts.
I worry...
For some reason I worry his psycho ex will come back into his life and tear us apart, as she's done a few times so far throughout the year we've been together.
I worry that once we finally live together we'll realize we're not who we thought we were.
I just worry...
Why can't we, as beautiful, intelligent, confident women relax, totally and completely with our significant others who love us and ultimately, simply put chose US, no one else.
Outside of relationships, I am confident and independent, with zero worries because I know everything will work out in the end. Inside of this particular relationship, I'm still confident and independent, but there is an underlying feeling of doubt. Why? Is it because I actually, genuinely and truly care for and love this man?
I joke with my girlfriends that the men in our lives struck gold when they met us; they know it and they won't let us go. I can confidently say that, but that voice in the back of my head won't go away... "will they really not let us go?"
Sigh... why is it?
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
"Friends"
You're probably reading that title, with a slightly cocked head - "why does that word have quotes around it?" Well my dearest friends...let's sit right back, and you'll hear a tale...
In March, a dear friend of mine got married - she was the wrost friend ever during that time. She alienated herself from EVERYONE, including myself and the other MOH Lauren. Lauren is a very strong personality - she's diagnosed bi-polar and has a tendency to be extremely inappropriate at the most inopportune times. Lauren felt the brunt of the "friendship" with the bride a little harder than I did, and she claimed that after the wedding, the relationship was "IRREPERABLE!" Needless to say, Lauren and I became very close friends during this time...or so I thought.
After the wedding, I would hear from Lauren in an everyother day consistence. She would stop by for dinner, I would go to her place...we celebrated her birthday together (the whole 9). In April, Lauren told me that she had decided that she and her then boyfriend had decided they were going to get married, and asked me to be a part of their wedding...oh yeah...he hadn't proposed yet, so she didn't have a ring. So I went along with everything - I set up dress appointments, venue visits...even sat with her to speak with a preacher...still no ring.
3 weeks ago, I was informed that her then boyfriend was planning the big proposal...that's right, he still hadn't done it yet. He has his pilot's lisence, and was going to fly them to Athens for lunch, and propose mid air. He asked if I would drive to Athens (which is about an hour's drive each way) to be there when they landed, and when I declined because my own sister was in town for her own REAL wedding stuff, he seemed okay with it all. The Saturday he proposed, I called her, to no avail...so I texted her...to which her response was, "You should be here butthead!" I told her that we should get together for dinner that week...and that was the last correspondence...
So come that Monday...I called (3 times) left a message, and didn't hear back. So I texted...I facebooked, i called again....no answer, response or acknowledgement of my breathing existence. A week goes by...nothing. I call again...nada. I text...niete. So I stopped...I was hurt, over it and more than anything else...annoyed.
Matt (boyfriend) and I went to dinner with the former bride and her husband, and she proceeds to tell me that she and Lauren had done "this and that"for the past few weeks together..."irrepreble" my ass. I looked at Matt, who clearly heard the comment, and changed the subject...'cause now...I was pissed.
Today marks over 3 weeks since I had spoken to Lauren. I had pretty much given up on being her friend, let alone in her wedding...until the email came. A mass email to over 30 women inviting them to a "wedding weekend" in the mountains for "wedding stuff," in November. As I was reading the email, I noticed who was #1 at the email correspondence...the bride...and who was second...me.
In the email she proceeds to tell us that she will need $60 per person who will be staying with her for that weekend to do her wedding stuff....THANK GOD I alreayd was going to be out of town that weekend...I didn't want to go anyway...
As I'm reading the email, yelling at my computer screen, I get an IM....that said, "I just sent you and email." "ok" "we need to get together for lunchor dinner next week." "How about lunch Monday?" "I'm out of town until Thursday..." "And I'm leaving Friday for the lake because it's a three day weekend..." "I guess we'll have to wait til after Labor day weekend...." "whatever"
I'm done with being a fair weather friend...I'm a DAMN good friend...but you need to be my friend back. I will give you the shirt off my back, I'll pay for your train ticket over the phone if you're stuck somewhere, I'll feed you while both your arms are set in a cast....and I don't expect much in return...just acknowlege me!!! That's all...that's it....
Evidently that was too much to ask.
In March, a dear friend of mine got married - she was the wrost friend ever during that time. She alienated herself from EVERYONE, including myself and the other MOH Lauren. Lauren is a very strong personality - she's diagnosed bi-polar and has a tendency to be extremely inappropriate at the most inopportune times. Lauren felt the brunt of the "friendship" with the bride a little harder than I did, and she claimed that after the wedding, the relationship was "IRREPERABLE!" Needless to say, Lauren and I became very close friends during this time...or so I thought.
After the wedding, I would hear from Lauren in an everyother day consistence. She would stop by for dinner, I would go to her place...we celebrated her birthday together (the whole 9). In April, Lauren told me that she had decided that she and her then boyfriend had decided they were going to get married, and asked me to be a part of their wedding...oh yeah...he hadn't proposed yet, so she didn't have a ring. So I went along with everything - I set up dress appointments, venue visits...even sat with her to speak with a preacher...still no ring.
3 weeks ago, I was informed that her then boyfriend was planning the big proposal...that's right, he still hadn't done it yet. He has his pilot's lisence, and was going to fly them to Athens for lunch, and propose mid air. He asked if I would drive to Athens (which is about an hour's drive each way) to be there when they landed, and when I declined because my own sister was in town for her own REAL wedding stuff, he seemed okay with it all. The Saturday he proposed, I called her, to no avail...so I texted her...to which her response was, "You should be here butthead!" I told her that we should get together for dinner that week...and that was the last correspondence...
So come that Monday...I called (3 times) left a message, and didn't hear back. So I texted...I facebooked, i called again....no answer, response or acknowledgement of my breathing existence. A week goes by...nothing. I call again...nada. I text...niete. So I stopped...I was hurt, over it and more than anything else...annoyed.
Matt (boyfriend) and I went to dinner with the former bride and her husband, and she proceeds to tell me that she and Lauren had done "this and that"for the past few weeks together..."irrepreble" my ass. I looked at Matt, who clearly heard the comment, and changed the subject...'cause now...I was pissed.
Today marks over 3 weeks since I had spoken to Lauren. I had pretty much given up on being her friend, let alone in her wedding...until the email came. A mass email to over 30 women inviting them to a "wedding weekend" in the mountains for "wedding stuff," in November. As I was reading the email, I noticed who was #1 at the email correspondence...the bride...and who was second...me.
In the email she proceeds to tell us that she will need $60 per person who will be staying with her for that weekend to do her wedding stuff....THANK GOD I alreayd was going to be out of town that weekend...I didn't want to go anyway...
As I'm reading the email, yelling at my computer screen, I get an IM....that said, "I just sent you and email." "ok" "we need to get together for lunchor dinner next week." "How about lunch Monday?" "I'm out of town until Thursday..." "And I'm leaving Friday for the lake because it's a three day weekend..." "I guess we'll have to wait til after Labor day weekend...." "whatever"
I'm done with being a fair weather friend...I'm a DAMN good friend...but you need to be my friend back. I will give you the shirt off my back, I'll pay for your train ticket over the phone if you're stuck somewhere, I'll feed you while both your arms are set in a cast....and I don't expect much in return...just acknowlege me!!! That's all...that's it....
Evidently that was too much to ask.
Why Men Still Have to Make Themselves feel dominant?
So I am very very lucky to know these seven other women who are strong minded and goal driven. They are a support team that a girl in the music industry, like myself, needs. A band that I am working very closely with is opening up for their idol on Sunday. They are extremely excited about this (he is a main inspiration for starting the band), and we have some things in the works, that they might be able to tour with the idol.
I emailed the radio station's events manager, asking if there would be any way to get a private area set up, so that "Idol" and my band could have dinner....Somewhere in the message, he lost the"Idol" part, and went into a frontal attack on me and my band, asking if we were too good to eat in public. Then when I politely corrected him, saying this was asked by "Idol" he snapped at me again, and told me he was already setting up hospitality.
Now this is the dilema I face: In my head, I imagine me kicking him in the balls, and asking why a 42 year old man, still feels the need to be an ass hole to women ( which he is pretty notorious for being). Instead of very kindly handling the situation, he felt like I was stepping on his territory, and got pissy.
And the messed up part, is that for a minute, I felt bad, like I had done something wrong and needed to apologize!!! It's like women in the industry have to either be catorgized as bitches or sluts, and we can't just be treated like the intelligent, confident women we are.
I need to take a skin thickening class sometimes, because I know that I should not let people like this bother me. Sometimes though, the sheer ignorance and rudeness of people, just bothers me!
UUUUggggghhhhh!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Short and sweet...
While I wish I had more time to write, vent, vent some more... I have to shut down for the day and get the heck outta work.
I do want to say, before signing off, that I'm so psyched for this blog and that we're already writing and sharing stories; we rock!
Until tomorrow... when I actually have time and energy to write... have a great night ladies!
I do want to say, before signing off, that I'm so psyched for this blog and that we're already writing and sharing stories; we rock!
Until tomorrow... when I actually have time and energy to write... have a great night ladies!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Where should I begin?
Shall I start with the insane amount of stress I'm watching people self inflict? I mean... really!
The label I work for is fantastic, but it consists of 7 people (including the owner) in NYC and 1 gal in LA. Each of us "in charge" of our respected fields / the only person doing that job. I, myself, am head of promotion. Which in laymen terms means, I do radio... all radio... every format, every band... I'm it. So, I get it.. there's a lot of pressure and a lot of responsibility - for each of us.
So, I find it slightly irritating when the 5 of us (the actual staff) sit down in the box of a conference room and, things like "our logo on that radio one sheet needs to be on the right side." Um, here's my response "not to be rude but, I've been making radio one sheets for album mailings for 3 years. I know what needs to be on it and, I also know that they look at it for a 5 second time frame, then throw it in the trash. There are more important things than a logo. We should really remember that." It didn't work. THERE IS MORE to life than redundant and meaningless items such as this.
Other things I noticed today in my normal NYC commuter routine :
*Man next to me on subway was reading the obituaries in the paper. ew.
*Guy in the elevator had orange lego blocks as cuff links. Didn't really match his Diesel sunglasses.
*Oh and, for some reason, I've been enjoying breakfast burritos lately.
Good day! x
The label I work for is fantastic, but it consists of 7 people (including the owner) in NYC and 1 gal in LA. Each of us "in charge" of our respected fields / the only person doing that job. I, myself, am head of promotion. Which in laymen terms means, I do radio... all radio... every format, every band... I'm it. So, I get it.. there's a lot of pressure and a lot of responsibility - for each of us.
So, I find it slightly irritating when the 5 of us (the actual staff) sit down in the box of a conference room and, things like "our logo on that radio one sheet needs to be on the right side." Um, here's my response "not to be rude but, I've been making radio one sheets for album mailings for 3 years. I know what needs to be on it and, I also know that they look at it for a 5 second time frame, then throw it in the trash. There are more important things than a logo. We should really remember that." It didn't work. THERE IS MORE to life than redundant and meaningless items such as this.
Other things I noticed today in my normal NYC commuter routine :
*Man next to me on subway was reading the obituaries in the paper. ew.
*Guy in the elevator had orange lego blocks as cuff links. Didn't really match his Diesel sunglasses.
*Oh and, for some reason, I've been enjoying breakfast burritos lately.
Good day! x
Friday, August 21, 2009
Admins on a Power Trip
I know you've all been in this position...and if you haven't - don't ever wish to be.
So about three weeks ago I started working for this amazing company - doing amazing stuff!! My direct boss is the CEO of the company, so I'm just going to say that I'm a pretty big deal. (Yes, I'm tooting my own horn, I've worked hard for this)
From day one, I've had a bit of an issue with his personal secretary...the issue is...she's a heinous bitch. She's a 40-something-year-old woman, with a mustache my own father couldn't contest with, and she has a SERIOUS power trip thing going on.
If I were in her shoes I would think:
1. Who is this young hotshot?
2. Why does the bossman always like to talk to her and meet with her?
3. Is she gunning for my job?
4. Does she really think she can tell me what to do?
But being in my shoes I can answer those with...
1. I'm a professional who has worked my ass off to get where I am today
2. He likes to talk to me a lot because I"m doing a lot for the company. He likes me more than you because I actually do my job, and I do it well.
3. HELL no I don't want your job...you're a secretary
4. Yes, I can tell you what to do...that's part of my job.
SO - just because you have the ability to read his emails and hold the CC numbers, doesn't mean you can try to talk down to me, and tell me what to do. And FURTHERMORE - do NOT second guess me when I'm trying to tell you do give me a file, CC number or anything else for that matter. I was hired to do a job - I can't do that job if I spend all day waiting on you.
I have no qualms in going toe to toe with you, and putting you in your ungraduated, menopausal, mustached place. DON'T cross me lady...I have a shovel and and Italian mother.
So about three weeks ago I started working for this amazing company - doing amazing stuff!! My direct boss is the CEO of the company, so I'm just going to say that I'm a pretty big deal. (Yes, I'm tooting my own horn, I've worked hard for this)
From day one, I've had a bit of an issue with his personal secretary...the issue is...she's a heinous bitch. She's a 40-something-year-old woman, with a mustache my own father couldn't contest with, and she has a SERIOUS power trip thing going on.
If I were in her shoes I would think:
1. Who is this young hotshot?
2. Why does the bossman always like to talk to her and meet with her?
3. Is she gunning for my job?
4. Does she really think she can tell me what to do?
But being in my shoes I can answer those with...
1. I'm a professional who has worked my ass off to get where I am today
2. He likes to talk to me a lot because I"m doing a lot for the company. He likes me more than you because I actually do my job, and I do it well.
3. HELL no I don't want your job...you're a secretary
4. Yes, I can tell you what to do...that's part of my job.
SO - just because you have the ability to read his emails and hold the CC numbers, doesn't mean you can try to talk down to me, and tell me what to do. And FURTHERMORE - do NOT second guess me when I'm trying to tell you do give me a file, CC number or anything else for that matter. I was hired to do a job - I can't do that job if I spend all day waiting on you.
I have no qualms in going toe to toe with you, and putting you in your ungraduated, menopausal, mustached place. DON'T cross me lady...I have a shovel and and Italian mother.
Why, hello there!
Who knows who will even paruse this, but, it is something the world needs. The collaboration of 8 incredible women, jotting down their thoughts, revelations and life struggles. (I use 'struggles' losely) We are very strong in mind, body and soul but sometimes, we've got something to say and this is where we're gonna do it! Welcome to our world.. it's going to be interesting and perhaps emotional at times but, its words are meticulous and credible.
Now, enjoy this... HAAAA
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